Have you ever had a moment in your life when what you said didn’t come out just right?  You fumble your words and you try to hold back what you just said but it’s too late?  I’ve been there and done that.  The thing that makes it even tougher is, in my case anyway, my family members won’t let me forget.  They remind you about it for a long time. 

In this fast-pace world we live in we find ourselves eating out quite a bit.  A lot of times we find ourselves calling it in, driving through and picking it up.  Well, it’s those moments when ordering at the drive-through that has gotten me in trouble and I found out a long time ago that being bilingual can be rough at times.  Being able to jump from English to Spanish is a beautiful thing but boy words can come out extremely crazy at times.

Take the time we felt like eating corn dogs.  We drive up to “Winnie World” and the young attendant walks up and asks me what I’d like to order.  Without hesitation my response was, “I’d like six mini Corn Dorgs.”  “Excuse me?” he says.  Well, I’m trying to keep a straight face and it certainly doesn’t help that my wife and son are sitting next to me trying to keep calm but I know that inside they’re busting out laughing.  I know this because they turn around and face the other way and their bodies are shaking.  But I understand where they’re coming from because stop and ask yourself, “What the heck is a mini Corn Dorg?”

If you don’t want your wife to laugh in your face when you think you’ve come up with a great idea of renting some movies, don’t say, “Let’s go to Bluck Boster and rent some movies.”  She will not keep a straight face!

When you’re at Sonic ordering a foot long hotdog for her, don’t finish the order by saying cut the tomatoes.  Foot long hotdogs don’t come with that type of vegetable on them.

One day we felt like eating ice cream.  There used to be an old Dairy Queen on 13th and Chadbourne till it closed down.  It reopened under a different name.  I don’t remember what it was called.  But anyway, I did a doozy there.  I start to order some chocolate covered ice cream with creamy whip.  Whatever you do, do not pronounce creamy whip – creamy wheep.  Your family will start laughing so hard you won’t be able to place your order and you’ll just have to drive away.

My son and I drove up to Grandys one day to pick up some food.  After placing my order, the attendant asked me what two sides I would like.  Please people, if you don’t want to have your son laugh uncontrollably, please don’t answer, “I’d like some corn beans with green.”  There is no such thing.  There never will be.

If you ever run out of kitchen matches, don’t go to the store and ask the clerk where their “chicken matches” are located, he’ll give you this crazy look and ask you what kind?  You’ll have to be quick on your feet and reply, you know kitchen matches. 

Oh yeah, by all means don’t go home and tell your family because it’ll be added to the next family conversation of goof ups. 

Like I said, being bilingual is a beautiful thing, but it can certainly make you a comedian without you even trying to be one. 

I’d like to start of list of some crazy goof-ups.  So if you have any you’d like to share, (and I know you do) please feel free to send them my way.  Please let me prove to my family that I’m not the only one.